She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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