I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
