Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
