Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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