my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
why does every cop we meet know your name?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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