oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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