I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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