i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
