we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
