i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
