So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize