Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
