So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
