dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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