ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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