Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
