That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Randomize
