It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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