neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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