you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
