one two three fourrrrnication!
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
