There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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