bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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