Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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