Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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