***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize