So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
