I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
