Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
