return my video game
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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