She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
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