You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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