I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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