She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
