I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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