she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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