you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
