So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
