mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Randomize
