Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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