It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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