one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
