she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize