"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
