he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
