i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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