my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Randomize
