I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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