mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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