Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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