Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
