It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
this hospital has no fireball
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
