The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
