my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
