Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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