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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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