I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
