She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
