he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
