At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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