he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
