He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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