Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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