quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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