So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
