DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
well you can't waste a boner
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
