feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I can't put those talents on a resume
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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