I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
