So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
