u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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